You Know You're A Teacher If...

You must get 70 percent to pass:

1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

3. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8:00 to 3:20 and have summers free."

4. You believe chocolate is a food group.

5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

6. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.

7. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

9. You have no life between August and June.

10. When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.

11. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

12. You wonder how some parents ever figured out how to reproduce.

13. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

14. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.

15. You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "never dream" of doing your job.

16. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

17. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."

18. You want to choke a person when he or she says, "Oh, you must have such fun every day. This must be like playtime for you."

19. Meeting a child's parent(s) instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

20. Your boss tells you of a great new policy she's adopted called "Zero Tolerance."

Posted November 24, 2006

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