Weird Craigslist Ads
Warning: somewhat "adult" in nature. Think you might be offended? You will be, so skip it. With that notice, no complaints will be considered.
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Headline: "Stately Dutch MILF Magnet"
Item: A ...bicycle? Yep. "When I would cruise slowly down Park Slope's fifth avenue, panties would literally fly off every white or asian woman with a stroller and a master's degree." Selling because "my therapist suggested I need to come to terms with my attraction to african-american women [and] no sister is going to date a 34 year old systems administrator riding a european grocery bike."
Tagline: "If you like flat-assed waspy moms who went to Vassar, this is the ride you need."
Price: $300 O.B.O.
Headline: Kids Bracelet
Item: "I'm selling this funky kids friendship bracelet" which the seller "found in a box in my sons room after he moved out to college. I don't think he has used it much, at least I never sawing [sic] him wearing it. He seemed really embarassed [sic] when I asked him why he had a girl's bracelet in there! Still has good elasticity. It is great for a young girl ...could be added to a charm necklace as well."
Photo (hover over pic with mouse if you don't know what it is):
Headline: Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch
Item: "Beautiful pink 'vagina couch' that I made in art school." It's ...um... used: "has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom."
Headline: 8x8x16 Cement Block
Item: "I have approximately 275 to 300 cinder blocks for sale. They are standard 8"x8"x16". They cost about $1.75 plus delivery fees if you buy them somewhere else."
So? Well: "Please don't waste my fucking time with endless emails. These are plain old cinderblocks, for fuck sake. You don't need to do an engineering study on the feasibility of using these fucking things as building material. That's what they're for, you fucking idiots. Now listen, we're all busy people here. You want the blocks? Come get the fucking blocks and give me one dollar for every block you takea. How fucking hard is that? You don't have to tell me what you're building. I don't give a fuck. I'm not interested in helping you build it either. Why? Because I don't give a fuck. I just want to get these fucking things off my property. ... What the fuck is wrong with you people? The next one of you fucking jackasses that emails me with some sob-story bullshit is getting his email address added to the North American Man/Boy Love Association mailing list."
Tagline: "You want the blocks? Come get the blocks, and don't fuck with me!"
Posted July 1, 2010
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