Wall Street Terminology
With the meltdown on Wall Street, it's important for even ordinary citizens to understand the terminology bankers and brokers use. Here's a start.
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my stockbroker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- On Wall Street, it's "standard" for their clients to be "poor", thus "Standard & Poor".
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $24 per share. (But then, you paid $54 per share....)
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought GM at $74 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
CAPITALISM -- What Republicans said wanted before they got hit by losses and embraced the Socialistic "bailout".
Posted October 17, 2008