Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

"True" School Voice Mail Greeting?

This is the message the Maroochydore High School, Queensland, Australia, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school*.

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.

The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

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Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

• To lie about why your child is absent: Press 1

• To make excuses for why your child did not do his work: Press 2

• To complain about what we do: Press 3

• To swear at staff members: Press 4

• To ask why you didn't get information that has already been enclosed in your newsletter and several fliers that have been mailed to you: Press 5

• If you want us to raise your child: Press 6

• If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone: Press 7

• To request another teacher (for the third time this year): Press 8

• To complain about bus transportation: Press 9

• To complain about school lunches: Press 0

If you realize this is the real world, and your child must be accountable and responsible for his or her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

Thank you for your interest in public education.

To hear the message (MP3 file, 593K) right click to download.

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* So, is it really "true"? Unlikely: I searched Google (why is it no one that sends "true" stories around bothers?!) and found it the exact same language attributing it to a number of schools, including "in the Worcester area", "Pacific Palisades (California) High School", "somewhere in the United States", and others. But the biggest clue? It says thanks for calling "your school" rather than state the specific school you've reached. Obviously, it's an urban legend. Funny, but fake. Have a nice day!

Posted September 21, 2009 8:00 AM