Things You'll Never Hear a West Virginia Boy Say

(Though, really, I have a buddy from West Virginia, and he has probably said all of these things!)

- - -

—I'll taste it before I add salt.

—I'll take Shakespeare for $1,000, Alex.

—Duct tape won't fix that.

—We don't keep firearms in this house.

—We don't feed that to the dog.

—No kids in the back of the pickup -- it's just not safe.

—Wrestling's fake.

—I'll have grapefruit & grapes instead of biscuits & gravy.

—Honey, we just don't need another dog.

—Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

—Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

—Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

—I just couldn't find a thing at WalMart today.

—Trim the fat off that steak.

—Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

—The tires on that truck are too big.

—I've got it all on the hard drive.

—Unsweetened tea tastes better.

—Checkmate.

—She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

—I don't have a favorite college team.

—No more for me. I'm driving.

and...

—Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae. (OK: my buddy definitely wouldn't ever say this one!)

Posted March 24, 2010 8:00 AM

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