The State of the Joke -- Part 4

A joke for every state in the union -- Part 4 of 5.

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New Mexico
Traveling outside Taos, a man comes upon a Native American lying in the middle of the road with his ear pressed against the blacktop. "What are you doing?" asks the man.

The tribesman replies, "Woman, late 30s, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 mph."

"Amazing! You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"

"No," says the Native American. "They ran over me five minutes ago."

New York
I moved to New York City for my health. I'm paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. --Anita Weiss

North Carolina
A senior citizen of North Carolina was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Burnsville." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Burnsville because everything happens in Burnsville 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

North Dakota
What's a seven-course meal in North Dakota? A hamburger and a six-pack.

Ohio
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store."

"But, I'm a OSU graduate!" the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager, taking the broom back. "Here, I'll show you how."

Oklahoma
How can you tell if an Oklahoman is married? There's dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

Oregon
Howard dies and waits in line for judgment. He notices that some souls go right into heaven, while Satan throws others into a burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, the devil tosses him aside.

Curious, Howard asks Satan, "Excuse me, but why are you tossing them aside instead of flinging them into hell with the others?"

"They're from Oregon," Satan replies. "They're too wet to burn."

Pennsylvania
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?

A mechanic.

Rhode Island
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

Rhode Island: Size ain't everything

Rhode Island: Nobody famous came from Rhode Island

South Carolina
While fishing off Myrtle Beach, a Yankee tourist capsized his boat. Petrified, he yelled to an old guy standing on the shore, "Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward shore.

Halfway there, he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do anything," the old guy said. "The sharks got 'em."

Posted May 9, 2016

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