The State of the Joke -- Part 2

A joke for every state in the union -- Part 2 of 5.

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Hawaii
Hawaii's joke is they keep raising the prices, and the tourists still come -- and none of the actual natives get a penny of benefit.

Idaho
Want to join a militia? Idaho's your state. Here are some terms to learn:

Commander: Whoever starts the unit.
Second in Command: His best friend.
Auxiliary Commander: His wife.
Captain: New guy.
Militia Headquarters: The basement of whoever has the fax machine.
Squad: Guys in the ambulance who come out when a militia member accidentally shoots himself during training.

Illinois
This is how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough." --Richard Jeni

(Actually, my favorite Illinois joke is: Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich.)

Indiana
How boring is Indiana? The entire state is so boring that no one has ever bothered to make up a good joke about the state.

Iowa
What do they call 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald's in Iowa? Prom night.

Kansas
What do a jackknifed semi in Ohio, a guy getting a divorce in Alabama, and a tornado in Kansas have in common? They're all fixin' to lose a trailer.

Kentucky
How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? If it'd been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Louisiana
What differentiates a zoo in Louisiana from other zoos? The Louisiana zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Maine
After surveying property along the New Hampshire and Maine border, some engineers decided the boundaries needed to be changed. So they stopped to tell a farmer that he was no longer in Maine but in New Hampshire. "Good," said the farmer. "I couldn't take another one of those Maine winters."

Maryland
An admiral is standing by a candy machine at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe walking by. "Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?"
"Sure, buddy," says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.

"That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?"

The plebe snaps to attention and barks, "No, sir!"

Posted May 4, 2016

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