The State of the Joke -- Part 1

A joke for every state in the union -- Part 1 of 5.

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Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?

The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, "Where were you on the night of October to February?"

It's so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.

An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver asks, "'Bout what?"

The Los Angeles Police Department, the FBI, and the CIA want to see who is best at catching perps. So a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later, dragging a bruised mountain lion behind them. The mountain lion's yelling, "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

How do you know you're in the presence of a real Coloradan?

He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.

What's the difference between Massachusetts and Connecticut?

The Kennedys don't own Connecticut.

A DuPont chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"

"You mean aspirin?" says the pharmacist.

"That's it! I can never remember that word."

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. --Jerry Seinfeld

How do you know you live in Georgia? When all directions start with "Go down Peachtree..." and include the phrase "When you see the Waffle House..."

Posted May 2, 2016

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