The Psychiatric Hotline

Due to a huge upswing in call volume, the Psychiatric Hotline has had to get an automated phone menu system to route the incoming calls to the correct department.

For our clients' convenience, the text of the greeting is copied here.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press -- no one will answer.

And if you have low self-esteem, just hang up: our busy professionals certainly don't have time to talk to you.

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline.

Posted December 10, 2010

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