The Playboy Advisor

I do a little writing for Playboy magazine, and supply some of the items in the Forum Newsfront section. My editor there is Chip Rowe, who also happens to be the Playboy Advisor, probably my favorite reading in the magazine (and yes, I do read the articles, thank you!)

Recently, Chip published Dear Playboy Advisor, a compilation of his favorite letters from the past decade and, of course, his replies. Chip can be pretty funny (indeed, one letter asks for his advice, but grumbles "I don't want any of your usual coy or sarcastic bullshit, either. I need some practical advice." Well yeah: he was asking for advice on how to "pick up" models. Unluckily for him, they don't have handles.)

Anyway, here are some of my favorite Advisor come-backs -- get the book to see the complete answers.

Q: Is there a subtle way to ask how a new lover feels about spanking?
A: Besides the fact that they never sit down? It's hit or miss.

Q: Is it okay to masturbate while wearing boxing gloves?
A: Sure. Knock yourself out.

Q: Has there ever been a successful penis transplant?
A: Are you in search of one or looking to donate?

Q: Is there such a thing as 3-D porn?
A: Sure. Open your eyes during sex. Porn shot in 3D, like porn that's not shot in 3D, is mostly disappointing.

Q: I have tried in vain to explain to my girlfriend that we are not friends, just as a parent is not his child's friend. While elements of friendship might be present in these relationships, calling each other friends isn't accurate. Help!
A: Are you expecting to get laid anytime soon, Mr. Spock?

Q: I met a gorgeous woman at a party. As we spoke, I noticed her touching her neck in the area where her blouse button would be. Any idea what that meant?
A: She wanted you. Or she lost her necklace. Hard to say.

Q: I read an article that says intelligent guys, because they have no social skills and overanalyze dating situations, have trouble with women. True?
A: Genius is a burden, but we've managed.

Posted April 16, 2014

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