The Perfect Job

Yeah, a lot of awful puns. But who can resist?

Then I tried to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I just couldn't cut the mustard.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it and they gave me the axe.

I was fired from a job at a zoo feeding the giraffes because I just wasn't up to it.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

I found being an electrician was interesting, but the work was too shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian -- until I realized there was no future in it.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have the patients to finish.

My very best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

My last job was working at a coffee shop, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So I finally retired, and guess what? I found I'm perfect for the job!

Posted October 3, 2004

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