The Male's Stages of Life

(Friday: the Female's)

Drinking

17 - beer
25 - imported beer
35 - vodka
48 - scotch
66 - Maalox

Seduction Line

17 - My parents are away for the weekend.
25 - My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 - My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 - My wife is away for the weekend.
66 - My second wife is dead.

Favorite Sport

17 - sex
25 - sex
35 - sex
48 - sex
66 - napping

Drug

17 - pot
25 - coke
35 - money
48 - power
66 - Viagra

Definition of a Successful Date

17 - "tongue"
25 - "breakfast"
35 - "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 - "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 - "Got home alive."

Favorite Fantasy

17 - getting to third
25 - airplane sex
35 - menage a trois
48 - taking the company public
66 - Swiss maid

House Pet

17 - roaches
25 - stoned-out college roommate
35 - black lab
48 - children from his first marriage
66 - dust bunnies

What's the Ideal Age to Get Married?

17 - 25
25 - 35
35 - 48
48 - 66
66 - 17

Ideal Date

17 - Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 - "Split the check before we go back to my place."
35 - "Just come over."
48 - "Just come over and cook."
66 - "Come over and watch Star Trek re-runs."

Posted May 7, 2014

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