The Legionnaires Mirage

Warning: terrible pun alert.

- - -

Three Legionnaires are walking through the desert under a baking sun. They're fully equipped with enough water for days and food aplenty -- but they were fascinated that they still saw mirages.

They see visions of swimming pools attended by dusky maidens. They see stalls full of ice creams and sorbets of every conceivable flavor. They see cool ponds inviting them to take a swim. But the Legionnaires do not crack. Instead they keep marching solidly on.

Suddenly one of them freezes. "Psssst," he says. His companions halt and strain their eyes to where the first Legionnaire is pointing.

"There!" he says, with a thick accent. "Is zat a bacon tree on ze horizon?"

And sure enough, there it is, proud and defiant in the middle of the desert: an actual bacon tree! Slowly they creep forward towards the far off mystery object. Centimetre by centimetre they carefully crawl until they are within a stone's throw of the bacon tree. Ever nearer they creep until suddenly a shot rings out, dropping one of the Legionnaires in his tracks. The other Legionnaires hit the ground as bullets thud into the sand around them.

The other two return fire and give first aid to their wounded companion.

Even as they bandage him and pour water over his face they can hear his faint voice:

"Zat vas no bacon tree," the wounded man gasps out as his final words. "Zat iz a ham bush."

Posted July 19, 2010

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