The Arnold Schwarzenegger Affair

News Item: Arnold Schwarzenegger waited until after his term as governor of California ended to tell his wife that he had fathered a child with one of their "household staff" members -- ten years before. She left him.

With that, we offer a Jumbo Joke original...

Saying that he now has Total Recall, Arnold Schwarzenegger told his wife Maria Shriver that he was done telling True Lies, and gave her The Rundown. He promised that the household servant was positively his Last Action Hero. He said he had been taking care of Junior financially because the woman had refused his Eraser proposal. The Villain was just grateful she didn't have Twins.

By The 6th Day after her husband's confession, Maria had embarked on The Long Goodbye toward the End of Days -- "Who's the Terminator now, bucko?" she said before slamming the door behind her.

The governor's mistress, referred to in reports only as "Red Sonja" (who attracted Ahnold in the first place by going Commando around the mansion), insists the governor was a Predator who was often in Red Heat around her. Still, she had to admit she enjoyed his favorite bedtime game, Around the World in 80 Days, and said the 63-year-old governor was still capable of Pumping Iron.

Schwarzenegger's reputation is in shambles, and he claims he has gotten a Raw Deal. He has become a Running Man who can't seem to get anyone to answer his calls. His career in shambles, it seems the only job he qualifies for now is as a Kindergarten Cop.

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(© 2011 Randy Cassingham, all rights reserved. Hat tip to the Internet Movie Data Base for the list of Ahnold's movie titles.)

Posted May 18, 2011 8:00 AM

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