Stranded on a Desert Island

Speaking of the previous (shipwreck -- see link below) item, another classic.

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One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself onto a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life -- that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself stranded on a tropical island with no supplies, just fresh water and fruit.

After several months, he is lying on the beach one day when a gorgeous woman rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" says the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree fronds, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So she rowed him to the other side of the island, and docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, his jaw drops. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down. Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut milk."

"Oh it's not coconut," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like one of my Tropical Zombies?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" He's amazed that the shower features warm water, but he decides not to ask.

When he returns downstairs, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him. "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?"

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "...You've built a golf course, too!?"

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Alternative Ending:

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him. "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. Is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men and woman need. Something that it would be really nice to have right now?"

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "...You happen to have an Internet connection, too!?"

Posted January 25, 2012

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