Shotgun Diplomacy

On Saturday, February 11, 2006, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot 78-year-old lawyer Harry Whittington in the face on a hunting trip. That gave plenty of time for talk show comedians to write jokes about the incident for their Monday shows.

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"Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney." --Late Night host David Letterman

"Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton." --Tonight Show host Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt .... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." --Daily Show host Jon Stewart

"He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right." --Late Late Show host Craig Ferguson

"We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." --Letterman

"Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!" --Leno

"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" --Ferguson

"This is a great story. You've got the Vice President, a shotgun, a bunch of rich guys hunting tiny little birds. The only thing that could possibly make this story better is if he shot Michael Jackson." --Jimmy Kimmel Live host Jimmy Kimmel

"Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent." --Leno

"The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep." --Ferguson

"The man who was shot is named Harry Whittington. He's a high powered Republican lawyer, he was very lucky. They say the only reason that he wasn't killed is he was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to our troops." --Kimmel

Posted February 18, 2006

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