Short Lawyer Jokes
No, not jokes about short lawyers, but short jokes about lawyers.
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A Bar Association charter flight was hijacked by terrorists. When the terrorists made their press release, they said that, until their demands were met, they would release one lawyer per hour.
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A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he had had enough. The bartender said, "I've got to ask you: what's with the pocket business?" The man replied, "I have my lawyer's picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough."
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Lawyer: someone who makes sure that he gets what's coming to you.
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An indigent client who had been injured in an accident went looking for a lawyer to represent him without cost. One lawyer told him that he would take the case on contingency. When the client asked what "contingency" was, the lawyer replied, "If I don't win your lawsuit, I don't get anything. If I do win your lawsuit, then you don't get anything."
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Q: What do you call parachuting lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: Why are lawyers buried in deeper graves than regular folks?
A: Because deep down, they're really nice people.
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?
A: Vultures can't take their wing tips off.
A: The vulture eventually lets go.
Q: How do you greet a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: "Good morning, your honor."
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
Q: Why should lawyers always be buried face down?
A: If they wake up, they'll start digging.
Q: While in the desert, you see Osama bin Laden on one side of the road, and a lawyer on the other. Which do you hit first?
A: Osama -- business before pleasure.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: A leech will drop off when its victim dies.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: They're both squirmy, both live in slime, and only one in 250 million accomplishes anything worthwhile.
and...
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are documented case histories.
Posted August 30, 2010 8:00 AM
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