Shit Happens
Category: Religion
Sure, we've all seen this old bit -- it hit my mailbox in January 1993! But one of the neat things about working for NASA (which I did, at the time, which is why I had e-mail in January 1993) is that there were a lot of brainy people on the distribution, and they added some other bits:
The original:
Because there seems to be a lot of ignorance and general misconceptions about religion going around, I thought you would find yourselves enlightened by the following succinct explanation of the various major religions:
Taoism: Shit happens.Confucianism: Confucius says, "shit happens".
Buddhism: What is the sound of one shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?
Christian Science: You only think shit happens.
Scientology: If you want to know why shit happens, take our class.
Unitarianism: When shit happens, form a committee to study it.
Agnosticism: I'm not sure if shit happens or not.
Atheism: Shit does not happen.
Additions by others at various NASA centers, e-mailed in response to the above:
Anglicanism: Shit doesn't happen; defecation may occur on such occasions as are meet and right.Lutheranism: Shit happens through private interpretation.
Baptists: Only total immersion in shit will suffice.
Ba'ha'i: We are all shit together.
Democratic: Shit should be provided by the government to all people.
Republican: If you remove government restrictions, shit will happen by itself.
Marxism: Workers are alienated from their shit.
Leninism: The people have a right to shit.
Stalinism: If we work hard, shit will happen within five years.
Perestroika: If we rush reform, shit will happen again.
Feminism: Shit isn't funny.
Materialism: I really do need all of this shit.
Monasticism: You don't need any of that shit.
Hedonism: Shit is fun.
Obsessivism: I can never get enough shit.
Masochism: Go ahead, give me more shit, I love it.
Marketing: Package shit right and everyone will want some.
Naderism: Shit is dangerous at any speed.
McCarthyism: Are you now or have you ever gotten shit?
Euphemism: Shit is fertilizer.
Magnetism: Shit is attractive.
Nationalism: Our shit right or wrong.
Nazism: Sheist uber alles
Washingtonism: Take the shit from the rich, and give it to the poor.
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