Shit Happens

Sure, we've all seen this old bit -- it hit my mailbox in January 1993! But one of the neat things about working for NASA (which I did, at the time, which is why I had e-mail in January 1993) is that there were a lot of brainy people on the distribution, and they added some other bits:

The original:

Because there seems to be a lot of ignorance and general misconceptions about religion going around, I thought you would find yourselves enlightened by the following succinct explanation of the various major religions:

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius says, "shit happens".

Buddhism: What is the sound of one shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?

Christian Science: You only think shit happens.

Scientology: If you want to know why shit happens, take our class.

Unitarianism: When shit happens, form a committee to study it.

Agnosticism: I'm not sure if shit happens or not.

Atheism: Shit does not happen.

Additions by others at various NASA centers, e-mailed in response to the above:

Anglicanism: Shit doesn't happen; defecation may occur on such occasions as are meet and right.

Lutheranism: Shit happens through private interpretation.

Baptists: Only total immersion in shit will suffice.

Ba'ha'i: We are all shit together.

Democratic: Shit should be provided by the government to all people.

Republican: If you remove government restrictions, shit will happen by itself.

Marxism: Workers are alienated from their shit.

Leninism: The people have a right to shit.

Stalinism: If we work hard, shit will happen within five years.

Perestroika: If we rush reform, shit will happen again.

Feminism: Shit isn't funny.

Materialism: I really do need all of this shit.

Monasticism: You don't need any of that shit.

Hedonism: Shit is fun.

Obsessivism: I can never get enough shit.

Masochism: Go ahead, give me more shit, I love it.

Marketing: Package shit right and everyone will want some.

Naderism: Shit is dangerous at any speed.

McCarthyism: Are you now or have you ever gotten shit?

Euphemism: Shit is fertilizer.

Magnetism: Shit is attractive.

Nationalism: Our shit right or wrong.

Nazism: Sheist uber alles

Washingtonism: Take the shit from the rich, and give it to the poor.

Posted September 14, 2004

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