Sex Continues into Your Senior Years

An approaching-retirement buddy sent me this. The guy who sent it to him included the comment, "This is so close to home that it hurts." It's tips for seniors who are about to engage in sex....

- - -

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting (turn ALL the lights OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

and...

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

Posted February 10, 2006

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