Refusing to Take the Blame

As we head into for the holidays, a friend of mine sent me some of my favorite candy (See's -- fabulous). He sent two pounds.

Of course, I had to send a proper thank-you message. We chat a lot by e-mail, so that's how I sent it. The subject line was "I'm personally blaming you" -- and inside it continues "...for my holiday weight gain...."

His reply was priceless. You can sort of tell he provides services for attorneys:

THIS IS AN AUTO-RESPONDER MESSAGE

PLEASE EXCUSE THE DELAY IN THIS RESPONSE; OUR SERVERS ARE OVERLOADED WITH AUTO-RESPONSES FOR MESSAGES TO OUR DOMAINS CONTAINING THE SUBJECT

"I'm personally blaming you"

We are sorry that due to the extremely large volume of messages blaming Russell D. Waters, his corporations, employees, affiliates and minions, we are unable to respond individually to your complaints.

Please be aware that we are extremely sympathetic to your concerns. We wish to sincerely apologize for any or all of the following conditions that may or may not have been directly or indirectly caused by any action or inaction of Mr. Russell D. Waters, his corporations, employees, affiliates, minions or any other construed or inconstrued agencies:

1. Unexpected pregnancy
2. Computer crashes
3. Sudden weight gain or loss
4. Dizziness
5. Urge to sign up for Hotmail
6. Desire to upgrade to Windows 8
7. Affection for the latest iPhone
8. ADD
9. ADHD
10. Any other physical, emotional, mental or extraterrestrial disorder

While our court supervised bankruptcy status will not permit remuneration now or in the future, we do deeply regret any suffering even remotely caused by our negligence, malpractice or premature rebooting.

Posted December 9, 2013

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