Redneck Church

You Know You're in a Redneck Church When...

...The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

...People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

...The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up.

...Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

...A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

...The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

...In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven different last names in the church directory.

...People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

...The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

...The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

...The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

...Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

...The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

...The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

..."Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dawgs, too.

...The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, heah"?

Posted February 15, 2012

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