Questions Women Ask

As a helpful guide to men, we provide help with some of the most difficult questions women ask them. What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). So read carefully, and learn....

Question #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which statistics show is likely one of the following:

a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy on Married With Children, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")


Question #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "Yes!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "More and more each day, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh sure -- loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?


Question #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is always: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


Question#5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question, as there is no acceptable response.

The real answer, of course, is "Use the insurance money to buy a nice car so I can attract a gorgeous, thin, young woman!"

Posted January 19, 2007

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