Only a Southerner Knows

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them, you "pitch" them.

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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess" o' any of them.

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Only a Southerner knows the general direction of, and the distance to, "yonder".

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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Yes ma'am, we'll dispatch the ambulance to your house directly."

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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.

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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be anywhere from 1 mile to 20 miles.

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Only a Southerner both knows and truly understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

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Only Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb -- and can instantly give you example sentences.

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And only a Southerner would find no irony in the fact that "y'all" is singular, and "all y'all" is plural.

Posted May 9, 2008

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