Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

Old Age Wisdom

Everyone says people get wiser as they age, but rarely do you hear of what old people have learned. Now that I'm 70, I thought I'd pass along the important lessons I've learned in my life.

• Learning cursive wasn't really necessary.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person really died. Some of the worst decisions make some of the best stories. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. You may as well retire then. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

• It's OK to ignore 99% of the labels that say "Dry clean only."
• Mapquest really needs to start their directions on #5. If you don't know how to get out of your own neighborhood, you shouldn't attempt the trip.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• It's true camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent some jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
• The freezer deserves a light as well.
• It's fun to read someone else's wisdom, even if you forget most of it the moment you close the browser window.

Posted April 23, 2010 3:30 PM

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