To all my friends, thanks to you for forwarding me all sorts of chain e-mail letters last year:
- I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
- I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
- I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
- I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
- I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
- I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.
- I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
- I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
- When I go to parties, I don't look at any guy no matter how hot he is, for fear that he will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
- I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny, that girl, she's been 7 since 1993....
- I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special foward some e-mail program.
- My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.
- I also stopped pumping my own gas for fear that my gas tank would burst into flames. (I'm sitting here in the parking lot, out of gas, sending you this e-mail on my laptop. I'm still using my old cell phone.)
- But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on you tomorrow at 7:00 p.m. At least, I sure hope so.
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