Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

New Year's Resolutions -- Over Time

• 2004: I will get my weight down below 170.
• 2005: I will watch my calories until my weight is below 200.
• 2006: I will follow my new diet until I get below 220.
• 2007: I will work out once a week.
• 2008: I will drive past a gym at least once a week.

• 2004: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
• 2005: I will read at least 10 books a year.
• 2006: I will read 5 books a year.
• 2007: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
• 2008: I will subscribe to a good humor e-mail list this year.

• 2004: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
• 2005: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
• 2006: I will be totally out of debt by next year.
• 2007: I will try to pay off the debt interest by next year.
• 2008: I will try to be out of the country by next year.

• 2004: I will sponsor a disadvantaged foreign child this year.
• 2005: I will sponsor a disadvantaged domestic child this year.
• 2006: I will sponsor one kid for lunch at McDonald's this year.
• 2007: I will sponsor one of my kids for lunch at McDonald's this year.
• 2008: I will endeavor to remember my children's names this year.

• 2004: I will cut my smoking down to no more than one pack a day.
• 2005: I will cut my smoking down to two packs a day -- OK, three.
• 2006: I will try to stop smoking pot this year.
• 2007: I will try to stop smoking crack this year.
• 2008: Now that I've quit smoking, I'll try to stop shooting heroin and meth this year.

Posted December 31, 2007 8:00 AM