New Element Found: Bushcronium
The densest element yet known to science has been discovered. The new element has been named "Bushcronium".
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 911.
These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol for Bushcronium is "W."
Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as these morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming a large cluster of idiotopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a critical mass also known as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element radiating several orders of magnitude more energy, mostly as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Posted February 1, 2007