My Wife is Always Right

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.

A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized: I must have left them in the car! Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the doors of the church to get outside, I came to a terrifying conclusion: her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

My cell phone I had: I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and reported it stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all. "Honey," I stammered. I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it's been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane's voice.

"Ken," she said through gritted teeth, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, would you please come and get me?"

"I'll get there when I can," she said, the acid dripping in her voice. "First I have to convince this policeman I haven't stolen your car!"

Posted January 30, 2012

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