Microsoft Bashing, Part 749

A friend send this to me; he said I wrote it in 1998.

I did?!

I did some searching around and found that I had apparently submitted it to HumourNet (Vince Sabio's sadly-now-defunct humor list). And it least looks like my style. And if you remember Windows 98 with as much apprehension as I do, you'll agree it reflects the product quite well....

I'm glad someone kept a copy, since I apparently didn't!


Windows 98 Q&A
By Randy Cassingham

Question: Will the Microsoft vs. the Government, et al., thing affect the release of Windows 98?
Answer: No. Microsoft is perfectly capable of slipping schedules without the help of the Justice Department.

Question: Will it actually come out in 1998?
Answer: Yes, it pretty much has to. Like Windows 95, however, they'll just start selling a buggy beta version and call that the release.

Question: When will that happen?
Answer: November.

Question: When will I be able to buy a stable version?
Answer: You won't. You will have to buy a new PC to get the newest version. Think of it as trading in your car when the ash tray gets full.

Question: Is it true that the million dollar a day fine is "pocket change" for Microsoft?
Answer: No. Even Bill Gates doesn't carry that much cash in his pocket. It is, instead, being paid out of Petty Cash.

Question: Is it true that the Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Win98 operating system and cannot be removed?
Answer: Yes, but only because Microsoft has disabled the "delete" key on your keyboard, as well as the "Recycle Bin".

Question: Windows is looking more like Macintosh every day. Why doesn't Apple Computer do something about it?
Answer: They did: they became a subsidiary of Microsoft.

Question: The Intel-based, Microsoft operating system-run PC has been a mass consumer product for more than 15 years now. When will I be able to do some work on my computer without it crashing, getting fatal errors, and seeing periodically corrupted registries?
Answer: As soon as you remove two things from your computer: the Intel processor and the Microsoft operating system.

Posted September 5, 2014

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