Interagency Cleared Version of the Lord's Prayer
What you might expect if the U.S. government continues to dabble in religion -- yet continues to satisfy political correctness.
Take a deep breath before you continue:
Our [U.S.] Father, whose predominant residence pattern is widely perceived as being in an exo-atmospheric environment, your name shall be treated, as a matter of course, in a reverential demeanor appropriate to existing protocol guidelines. It is to be hoped that, as an optimal result of the ongoing situational development, your form of governmental institution may be, in accordance with the appropriate procedures, finalized within the foreseeable future, in forms applicable to both bilateral and multilateral fora. It is therefore to be hoped that you will undertake the creation of the necessary administrative modalities so as to ensure the provision to recipient entities of requisite alimentary sustenance. Help our antagonists to recognize that any temporary, unvalidated and erroneous presumptions of instances of our apparent non-compliance with duly undertaken obligations arise from their refusal to objectively assess the broad parameters of our clearly-demonstrated-over-time, historic pattern of full commitment and, most importantly, have no bearing on our relationship while noting that their consistent unquestionable pattern of non-compliant behavior introduces substantial concern over the sustained viability of their willingness to observe so essential a set of international obligations. We call upon you to reduce the availability of opportunities for any perceived deviation on our part from prescribed norms, both substantive and normative, and reduce the willingness of our opponents to examine closely the facts of our position. For it is the [U.S.] father, who has complete jurisdiction, and all encompassing authority indefinitely. Provide us with appropriate modalities for coming, with all deliberate expeditiousness, to closure, unless otherwise agreed between the parties.
Posted October 13, 2014