Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

Insults, Taunts and Rebukes 2

The 2005 entry Insults, Taunts and Rebukes noted, "Particularly literate people have a way of delivering rebukes and insults. In fact, they do it a lot better than you do."

Here are some more. :-)

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"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one." --George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." --Churchill, in response

Another great Churchill pair:

"If you were my husband I'd give you poison." --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

"If you were my wife, I'd drink it." --Churchill, in response

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"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." --Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." --Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." --Jack E. Leonard

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" --Mark Twain

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." --Mark Twain

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." --Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." --Moses Hadas

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." --Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." --James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." --Charles, Count Talleyrand

and...

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." --Mark Twain

Posted October 24, 2008 6:00 PM