Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

Inkstained Wretches

The first part is from my files, and I pulled it up to give context to the second part.

The first part refers to British newspapers. In the U.K., newspapers are still important -- like they used to be in the U.S. (smirk). London, for instance, has several strong papers. The question is, who reads which newspaper? The funny reply, which has a lot of truth in it, is:

• The Times: Read by the people who run the country.
• Daily Mirror: Read by the people who think they run the country.
• Guardian: Read by the people who think they ought to run the country.
• Morning Star: Read by the people who think the country ought to be run by another country.
• Daily Mail: Read by the wives of the people who own the country.
• Financial Times: Read by people who own the country.
• Daily Express: Read by the people who think that the country ought to be run as it used to be.
• Daily Telegraph: Read by the people who think it still is.
• The Sun: Their readers don't care who runs the country as long as she has big tits.

The second part, then, is the same for the U.S. -- updated for the Internet era:

• WSJ.com is accessed by people who run the country.
• NYTimes.com is accessed by people who think they run the country.
• WashingtonPost.com is accessed by people who think they ought to run the country.
• USAToday.com is accessed by people who think they ought to run the country but who don't understand the big words at WSJ.com, NYTimes.com, or WashingtonPost.com.
• LATimes.com is accessed by people who wouldn't mind running the country if they had spare time on their studio calendars.
• BostonGlobe.com is accessed by people whose parents used to run the country.
• NYDailyNews.com is accessed by people who aren't sure who runs the country.
• NYPost.com is accessed by people who don't care who runs the country so long as scandals occur.
• SFGate.com is accessed by people who aren't sure there is a country to run or that anyone is running it.
• Herald.com is accessed by the people who run the countries south of Miami.

Posted June 14, 2004 7:03 PM