Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

Help Wanted

Supposedly real "lonely hearts" ads from an Irish newspaper. Are they really? Probably not, but that doesn't mean they're not amusing.

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Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and has been known to start fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

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Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiancée, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.

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Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shitty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

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Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.

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Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

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Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed super model, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.

Posted August 8, 2006 11:30 AM