Heard During Colonoscopy

Category: Medical

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

  • I usually don't do this on the first date.

  • "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

  • "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

  • "Can you hear me now?"

  • "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

  • "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

  • "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

  • "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out, you put your left and in and you shake it all about...."

  • "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

  • "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

  • "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

  • "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

    And the best one of them all...

  • "Could you write a note for my wife saying that, in your considered medical opinion, my head is not up there?"

    Posted January 6, 2005 1:37 PM

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