- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
- There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
- Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
- The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
- Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
- Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
- Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- I have seen the truth and it doesn't make as much sense as you think.
- Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
- If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
- All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
- One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
- By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- The more you run over a dead squirrel, the flatter it gets.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- This is as bad as it can get -- but don't count on it.
- Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
- The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
- The first rats off of the sinking ship are the best swimmers.
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