Don't Be an Ass Tonight

This is the 4th of July -- Independence Day in the USA.

Our National Anthem (the Star Spangled Banner) speaks of "the rockets' red glare" and "bombs bursting in air" -- our literal fight for independence from the British (in this particular case, during the War of 1812). And it's a long tradition that we commemorate that with fireworks, the symbolic rockets, the red glare, the "bombs" (fireworks shells) bursting in the air. For those who actually think about what they're seeing, it brings a good feeling.

Of course, some people are stupid when it comes to fireworks, and some are really stupid. This is the (pictorial) story of one such dumbass, who decided to launch a fireworks rocket ...from between his butt cheeks. May it serve as a good lesson for the kids out there....

Note: the photos can be considered "PG-13", but even fairly young kids can learn something here!

Photo 1: Smiling dupe drops his pants so his buddy can slide the stick of a fireworks rocket between his butt cheeks. Note (big surprise!) that alcohol is involved.

Photo 2: The buddy has used his cigarette to light the fuse. Uh oh: trouble already! The rocket has slid down and is almost touching his butt.

Photo 3: Houston, we have ignition! But the rocket hasn't taken off -- it's shooting its flame right into his ass crack. Our moron utters the usual "Owie owie owie!"

Photo 4: Liberal doses of cool water won't fix this: in the emergency medical biz, we call these third-degree burns. Still think this was a great idea, Sylvester?

Enjoy your Independence Day. Just don't be an ass about it.

Posted July 4, 2007 8:00 AM

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