Don't Be an Ass Tonight

Note: the photos can be considered "PG-13", but even fairly young kids can learn something important here!

This is the 4th of July -- Independence Day in the USA.

Our National Anthem (the Star Spangled Banner) speaks of "the rockets' red glare" and "bombs bursting in air" -- our literal fight for independence from the British (in this particular case, during the War of 1812).

Since then, it's our tradition that we commemorate that event with fireworks -- the symbolic rockets, the red glare, the "bombs" (fireworks shells) bursting in the air. For those who actually think about what they're seeing, it brings a good feeling.

Of course, some people (OK: men) are stupid when it comes to fireworks, and some are really, really stupid. This is the (pictorial) story of one such dumbass, who decided to launch a fireworks rocket from between his butt cheeks. May it serve as a good lesson for the kids out there.

Idiot places the stick of the rocket in his butt cheeks.
Photo 1: It's all smiles as our dupe drops his pants so his buddy can slide the stick of a fireworks rocket between his butt cheeks. Note (big surprise!) that alcohol is involved.

The fuse is lit.
Photo 2: The buddy has used his cigarette to light the fuse. Uh oh: trouble already! The rocket has slid down and is almost touching his butt!

We have ignition! Too bad it's his ass.
Photo 3: Houston, we have ignition! But the rocket hasn't taken off -- it's shooting its flame right into his ass crack. Our moron utters the usual "Owie owie owie!"

The aftermath: we call this kind of burn 'third degree'.
Photo 4: Liberal doses of cool water won't fix this: in the emergency medical biz, we call these third-degree burns. Still think this was a great idea, Sylvester?

The moral of the story: Enjoy your Independence Day. Just don't be an ass about it.

Posted July 4, 2014

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