Charlie Sheen Jokes

Believe me, I went through a lot of them to winnow the collection down to these ...uh... winners.

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Q: How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen snort?
A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Q: What's a bigger lie than Lindsay Lohan pleading "Not Guilty"?
A: Charlie Sheen saying he's sober and a feminist.

Actor Charlie Sheen's Mercedes was stolen and driven off a cliff. The car thief didn't want the car, he just wanted to provide the perfect metaphor for Charlie Sheen's career.

Q: What's the name of the new Charlie Sheen sitcom?
A: Two and a Half Personalities

Q: Why is Charlie Sheen planning a trip to Australia?
A: He wants to watch his career go down the toilet counterclockwise.

Charlie Sheen's stolen car was found crashed at the bottom of a cliff. Sheen cleared himself of any involvement by claiming that at the time of the crime, he was home beating his wife.

Q: Why did LAPD take away Charlie Sheen's guns?
A: They were hoping it would stop him from shooting his mouth off.

Q: Why does Charlie Sheen say he has "Tiger's blood"?
A: Because his wife chased after him with a nine iron.

News reports note that Charlie Sheen's wife was arrested in 1996 for DUI, then later for cocaine possession. Which answers the question, "So, how did you guys meet?"

Q: What's the difference between Charlie Sheen and Leonardo DiCaprio?
A: Charlie knows what's it really like to be on a sinking ship.

Q: Is it true that the show "Two and a Half Men" will continue without Charlie Sheen?
A: Yes -- but they're renaming it to "Two Men".

The Hanes underwear company has suspended Charlie Sheen as spokesman. Sheen will instead become the new spokesman for Fruit-of-the-Loon.

Q: Is it true John Stamos was asked to replace Charlie Sheen on the show "Two and a Half Men"?
A: No. However, Martin Sheen has asked him to be his son.

Q: What is the Groundhog Day tradition for Charlie Sheen?
A: Charlie sticks his head out of his house, and if he sees his drug dealer, we can all count on six more weeks of porn stars.

Posted March 16, 2011

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