Camel Toads

This is an actual clip from a newspaper advice column:

Newspaper camel toad column

If that's hard to read, here's the text:

Scouting for ‘camel toads’ at pool

   Q: I hope you can help me with a problem I have with my godson. Last summer he visited me for two weeks and plans to return in July. When cleaning out the room he stays in, I found an unfinished correspondence to a chum of his in his hometown. In it he says he [is] going to our local pool to "scout out some camel toads." (I believe that's what it said, he had spilled iced tea all over the desk when writing it, and it damaged a lot of papers.) I'm concerned he is doing drugs.
   I tried to look for camel toads in a drug book, and I didn't find them, but I found references to some type of frog or toad that people in another country lick to hallucinate. I don't want to approach him on this until I have more information.
   He is a good boy in middle school whose parents do not even drink. Please let me know what camel toads are and how I might be able to tell if he is smoking, taking, or licking them.
   Perhaps I should have talked to his parents, but I don't want to jump the gun. Is this something the local authorities need to be alerted to in order to protect other patrons at the pool or surrounding area? A concerned and uninformed reader
   A: The iced tea did a number on the toads, so my younger, hipper coworkers tell me. What he undoubtedly wrote was "camel toes," a crude euphemism for, well, too-tight pants worn by females.
    The good news is that the expression has absolutely nothing to do with drugs. It has everything to do with why teenage boys go to the pool in the first place.

Apparently I was a stupid kid: I went to the pool to swim, not scope out the crotches of my friends' moms.

Yes, it's real: it ran in the 15 June 2005 "Ask Leslie" advice column in the Hays, Kansas, Daily News. Leslie Potter was a librarian in town, and this happened to be one of her last columns; she moved away shortly afterward, presumably for reasons unrelated to this particular column.

(As I post this, I see that Google is refusing to show ads on this page, which is also hilarious. "No social commentary allowed!!" That's what the big blank spot is up top, and in the lower right.)

Posted November 28, 2012

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