Best British One-Liners

Critics from Dave TV sat through the telling of thousands of jokes at the Edinburgh (Scotland) Fringe Festival, and pronounced these the Top 10 Funniest one-liners:

10) "I started so many fights at my school. I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them." -Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson)

9) "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't." -Dan Antopolski

8) "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble". -Rhod Gilbert

7) "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!" -Marcus Brigstocke

6) "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough." -Adam Hills

5) "I'm sure wherever my dad is, he's looking down on us. He's not dead. Just very condescending." -Jack Whitehall

4) "I went on a girl's night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill.' I went as Rose West." -Zoe Lyons

3) "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong." -Sarah Millican

2) "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'" -Paddy Lennox

1) "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?" -Dan Antopolski

Posted August 24, 2009 11:30 AM

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