Another Terrible, Awful, Painful Pun

After last week's terrible literary joke, friend Michelle Steiner of Arizona sent me another terrible, awful pun joke she wrote in high school. It's actually a two-punchline joke; the second part, she said, came later....

- - -

After years of research, an investigative team finally solved the riddle of the identity of Jack the Ripper.

There were many theories, usually involving someone famous, but the reality is that Jack the Ripper was just an ordinary guy of no other importance other than his hideous crimes. It was strictly a coincidence that he got the nickname of "Jack" because his name in fact was "John". His full name was John Grath.

After discovering his name, the team spent many months nailing down every detail and answering every conceivable objection to their disclosure. Then they published a book about it, detailing not only their research, but more importantly, every detail they found about Grath's life and his crimes.

They titled the book The Rapes of Grath.

Unfortunately, the book was a marketplace failure, and the research team wound up with hundreds, if not thousands, of unsold copies. They put the boxes of books in the basement of a house in Napa Valley, California, owned by one of their members. Eventually, the house was sold to an order of Monks, boxes of books and all.

The monks bought not only the house, but also the adjacent vineyard; they wanted to grow grapes and make wine, just like the Christian Brothers. They put a big vat in the basement, where they pressed the grapes the old traditional way -- with their feet.

That's right: they're trampling out the vintage where The Rapes of Grath are stored.

Posted May 18, 2009

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