Advanced Placement

Harry, a first-grader, demanded that his teacher be available for a "meeting" after school.

At the appointed time, the teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher, hearing this before, had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited outside the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 times 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 times 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Not so fast. Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal looked visibly shaken.)

Harry: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was ready.)

Harry: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I?' sort of questions, okay?"

Harry: "Yup."

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."

Harry: "Tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." (The principal is looking more and more amazed.)

Harry: "Wedding Ring."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass in the fifth grade, I got the last few questions wrong myself."

Posted April 3, 2013

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