A Public Apology
This went through my mailbox in July 1995. For the time, it really spread far and wide quickly. When I first sent it around I commented, "I dunno -- do you think he sounds sincere enough?" The author was from the University of Hawaii. (Rated "PG-13" for language.)
In accordance with the terms laid out on Monday, November 7th, 1994, I do hereby offer Public and Embarassing Apology to a large group of strangers for my statement upon that day that "Tongue rings don't hurt at all, you fucking wusses."
In my most remarkable stupidity, I dared to contradict the wisdom of my obvious superiors simply because the piercing itself was not painful. I proved my inability to grasp even the simple concepts underlying the body's willingness to Seek Revenge against Stupid Assholes Like Myself for acts Most Heinous against the organism. Furthermore, I did this in direct opposition to people who OWNED tongue piercings, knew the pain they cause, and are obviously more intelligent than I.
To fulfill the terms of this agreement, I do herebye authorize the further propagation of this Apology For Being a Shitheel, and hope that my name will be placed somewhere near that of Hitler and Napoleon in the annals of dimwitted jerkoff's, being second in bozosity only to people who believe that attacking the Russians in autumn is a Wise Plan.
Now, someone give me some Percocet before I die.
Zoweee Wow, Idiot-at-Large (23rd Congressional District)
Posted July 27, 2004