Jumbo Joke: Humor the Way You Like It

19th Century Civics and Physiology Exams

More 19th century real student examination answers from Mark Twain.

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Excerpts from students' civics exams in the 1800s:

• "The three departments of the government is the President rules the world, the governor rules the State, the mayor rules the city."

• "The first conscientious Congress met in Philadelphia."

• "The Constitution of the United States was established to ensure domestic hostility."

• "The Constitution of the United States is that part of the book at the end which nobody reads."

• "Congress is divided into civilized half civilized and savage."

Excerpts from 19th-century students' physiology exams:

• "Physillogigy is to study about your bones stummick and vertebry."

• "Occupations which are injurious to health are cabolic acid gas which is impure blood."

• "We have an upper and lower skin. The lower skin moves all the time and the upper skin moves when we do."

• "The body is mostly composed of water and about one half is avaricious tissue."

• "The stomach is a small pear-shaped bone situated in the body."

• "The gastric juice keeps the bones from creaking."

• "The Chyle flows up the middle of the backbone and reaches the heart where it meets the oxygen and is purified."

• "The salivary glands are used to salivate the body."

• "In the stomach starch is changed to cane sugar and cane sugar to sugar cane."

• "The olfactory nerve enters the cavity of the orbit and is developed into the special sense of hearing."

• "The growth of a tooth begins in the back of the mouth and extends to the stomach."

• "If we were on a railroad track and a train was coming the train would deafen our ears so that we couldn't see to get off the track."

Posted February 9, 2009 8:00 AM